This is what I wrote you about your web site RFC.
FYI: Being manic/depressive. When I am depressed I do not get much done. So you are used to me being here all the time at home going nowhere. When I am manic I like to get things done and I do not waste time. Patience has nothing to do with it. I do not like my time being wasted waiting for other people to get around to fitting me into their schedule or when they get to it. Because it holds me up waiting for them to fit me into their schedule and that frustrates me.
In other words: Being manic/depressive is a curse and a blessing. I was born this way because God choose for me to have this condition. That’s why I do not take medication, as my chemical imbalance is how GOD made me. Now people can accept me as I am, as I have to accept them as they are. If people want to complain about how I am then they should take it up with GOD for my condition. We all need to learn to accept people, as they are, not how we want them to be according to our standards. And that goes for me as well because I am just as guilty of the same offense towards others.
When I am in manic people have a hard time keeping up with me as I move fast and want to get things done and not wait around, when depressed I move very slow and get very little if any thing done.
I hope that helps to better explain things from my POV. But I am not going to sit around and wait to connect with you unless we make a commitment to the exact time and place that we are going to get the tasks at hand done. Otherwise, it is a waste of my time and that’s not fair to me.
Talk to you when we talk to you or when we see each other next, either today sometime or when we cross paths again when we have the time to take care of the tasks at hand that are on the list of things to get done not only for today but in the future.
We all have stuff that needs to be done and taken care of, each of us, in our own way, as there is not a set way for people to get things done, as we all have different things to do and all of us do things differently. WE are NOT all the same.
Blessings to you always,
Brother James
Rick,
I am not going to sit around and wait to connect with you unless we make a commitment to the exact time and place that we are going to get the tasks at hand done. Otherwise, it is a waste of my time and that’s not fair to me.
James
“MY INTENTIONS ARE NOT TO WASTE YOUR TIME. DO WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO. WHEN IM ABLE ILL CHECK YOURE SCHEDULE. I PLAN EVERY DAY TO MAKE TIME FOR THE WEB PAGE BUT THINGS KEEP HAPPENING. FROM ME NOT FEELING GOOD, MY KNEE, PASTOR TEVEREZ'S NEEDS,THE PARK, THESE MOBILE HOME REMODELS AND PEOPLE NEEDS IN THE CHURCH.. IM TRYING TO MAKE MONEY SO THAT I CAN GET CAUGHT UP. FOR ME TO SAY BE PATIENT IS ME SAYING IM TRYING TO MAKE TIME AND IM SORRY BUT WE WILL GET TO IT WHEN WE CAN. DONT WAIT ON ME BRO. DO WHAT YOU NEED TO DO. MY LIFE IS TOUGH AND I APOLOGIZE THAT I HAVE AFFECTED YOU IN A WAY THAT YOU THOUGHT YOU NEEDED TO WRITE THIS TO ME.”
RICK
Rick was mad because I got tired of waiting for him to approve the web site, so I just put it up on line. He then came down to the house irate and wanted me to move and was going to sue me for putting up a web site he never paid me for anyway. The next day when he did come down and we went over the changes I made to the web site. Rick made it a point to let me know he knew some bikers in Redd Bluff that always had his back. What was this pastor saying? That he was going to have his biker buddies take care of me?
Then, Rick sent an email asking if I am “OK”?
“JAMES IM UP LATE TONIGHT BECAUSE I DONT LIKE THE SPIRIT THAT WORKS IN HURT FEELINGS AND ANGER. IVE GONE BEFORE THE LORD AND IM FINDING PEACE IN KNOWING HE KNOWS MY HEART IN WHAT I TRIED TO DO WITH YOU. I AM REALLY SORRY FOR DISAPOINTING YOU.
IM A LITTLE DISAPOINTED MYSELF. I HOPE YOU ARE OK AND WE CAN GO ON.....
IVE HEARD ALL THAT YOUVE SAID AND IM GOING TO BE VERY CONCIOUS OF THE BLIND SPOTS HERE FORTH. I HOPE YOU WILL KNOW MY DISAPOINTMENTS AND FEELINGS IN ALL OF THIS AS WELL.
THINGS ARE NEVER ONE SIDED.”
RICK
When my computer crashed and I asked Ken to see if he could fix it for me. Ken loaned me one of his extra computers until he could repair mine. We made an agreement that I would help him with some of his research stuff in exch-ange for the labor if I paid for the parts. Rick wanted his web site changed and was in a hurry to get it done and did not want me to keep waiting on Ken to fix it for me.
Rick talked me into going down to Ken’s and getting my computer back because he knew someone that could fix if for me right now. So I went down to Ken’s and broke our agreement in order to appease Rick’s impatience. Ken was not too happy and very disappointed in me.
Rick gave me the impression that we were going to head to his friend’s that he knew that repaired computers and had a shop to do it in. I had to wait and wait until Rick took care of all the things he needed to do first. I was given the impression we would go as soon as I got my computer from Ken’s. Nope, had to keep waiting until Rick was ready to go and do it. When we finally did go the place and the friend that Rick knew went out of business or had moved. Why didn’t Rick check first by making a simple phone call. He not only wasted his time, he wasted mine again, an entire day. Plus the fact that I had hurt Ken’s feelings too by taking my computer away and now bringing it back to Ken to repair.
Now I had to crawl back and asked Ken to forgive me and see if he could still fix my computer under the same arrangements we had made before Rick entered the picture and messed it all up for both Ken and I.
Hurt feelings,
You talk about your feelings, being hurt well mine have been now. I have had some time to think about our conversation yesterday when you made an appointment to come by so we could go over the changes on the web site. There are two things I love to do as a way to pass time. One is to write, the second is to work on my web sites that I build for people that cannot afford to pay for them.
The time we had together was short, so I wrote down the notes for the changes you wanted done and at this point have made the majority of them that I could figure out. But during that conversation you had mentioned a few things that are sticking in my head. And you say I don’t listen.
What I heard was the reason you could not sit down with me to discuss or go over the web site update changes was not so much that you did not have the time; but rather that you did not have the money to pay me for my services and hard work. That tells me several things. First of all that you avoided me on that subject and put me off not because you did not have the time; but rather you had made a commitment you could not meet. Second of all it also told me that if you would have taken my computer to get it repaired I might not have got it back until you had the money to pay for it. Time would not have been an issue. What kind of message does that send to me?
When you sent that email looking for me and I replied with my update as to my situation. There were several things that crossed your mind. First you needed to find me so I could remove Richard Gonske off of the web site because I was the only one that could do it. Then when you discovered I was living in a motel and how much it was costing me you figured you could help me by putting me in the back room of space #45. But not only was it helping me, in turn it also helped you. Since January my small amount of money that I paid each month for a room ‘only’ has saved you as well.
We both need to be thankful that we could or were able to help each other and as you said, “it is not one sided.” Like “you” I am not the easiest person to deal with when it comes to getting things done, nor are you. And if you are wondering why I felt so insecure about the situation it is because I see how you deal with other people and how you say things that are not always what would be expected from a person that has the kind of vision you do. Like all of us it is hard to take criticism of one’s self, the blind spot that we do not see but others often do. You say all the time, “I am only trying to help you”. Not only to me but every person that you have stepped up and helped. You have a good heart but sometimes that heart gets lost in all the other, “stuff” as you say that you are involved in doing at the time. The task at hand that is on the agenda to be completed by you and all your visions.
And as I have suggested to you as a friend you have too many irons in the fire for one person to be able to accomplish. And what slows the process down is you have people waiting for you to get back with them so you can authorize what ever it is they are doing for you. So like I mentioned they end up standing around waiting, and waiting and waiting until you can get back to them or approve what ever it is they are working on.
In the meantime, nothing is getting accomplished as fast as you would like it to be for no other reason other than lack of organization. Time management is a key to success as not only is your time important to you, other people’s time is important to them. You end up wasting not only your time, but theirs as well in the process. And then sit back and wonder why nothing is getting done or accomplish at the pace that you would like it to be. Then you end up frustrated and angry and in turn the people waiting for you to make a decision or get approval end up with the same or similar emotion. And in some cases they just lock it inside because they do not want to rock the boat so to speak. All the while they are thinking to them selves how angry they are inside and saying to themselves, “how dare you treat me like that for all I have done for you”. But they just keep it to them selves and just go on, as nothing ever happened to upset them. Because they figure it is not worth the battle or ill feelings that comes from heated out bursts of anger. And that makes it a no win, win situation.
You want people to check with you before they do something but you do not check with them first before you plan an unexpected schedule change. In your mind they need to be flexible and change what it is they are doing to suit your needs or schedule. At a drop of hat they are expected to stop what ever it is in their lives they are involved with outside and away from RFC or Rick. Which at times it is hard for people to know what are the RFC projects that need to done and what are Rick’s projects that need to be done and what are Park Villa Estate projects as work in progress. (RO’s) They are mingled together and become intertwined and muddy and not very clear. I could give examples of what I am referring to but I am not going to get into subject for the time being.
While others like me say what we think because that is our nature to stand up not only for ourselves but also for others who we feel would say something but also do not for fear of the reaction in the given situation or circumstance.
Yes I am thankful to “GOD” that I had a roof over my head but as I have mentioned several times I also paid for that roof it was not FREE. As to you wondering why I felt so insecure at the time I saw how you dealt with my ex-roommate and his situation, which is not the same as mine was but he had about the same amount of rights, as I did which isn’t saying much. Like what I experience when you came and wanted to throw me out because I made you angry and you did not like what I did by putting the web page up without your approval or permission, flyer, pictures, etc.
The one thing that I had that my roommate did not have, was a piece of paper that had my name on it that said I lived in the space #55 according to the books. And in your mind you thought I would use that to affect your job, so you then made a choice to let your boss know what you did for fear that I would use it against you.
You came in calmly and then went into a rage and said things for the benefit of Joe as well as to get your point across that you wanted to sue me for changing a web site up without your permission, and then making comments as to my legal business status for running a business without a business license because of how I receive and from whom I receive my income. And how I have to report income for things I do such as building web sites. You thought you had something on me that you could use against me. Which could not be further from the truth. Like I said, “how can you have a business that is not in business?”
When people find out that I can build web sites the first thing they do and say is, “can you build me a web site. I need a web site but I cannot afford to build one can you do it for me.” So I end up spending time building web sites that people cannot afford to pay someone to build for them. And as always I end up giving them the web site that I built for them as a gift. My goal or vision is to have a business someday building web sites, which I have tried to do for years and have spent not only hours upon hours doing something I love to do and money for supplies and equipment so that I can build web sites for Free. I have yet to be paid what I am truly worth, that if they were to have to pay me for what I have done for them they would not like to see the bill for the charges that they incurred not only for the time they wasted waiting for approvals but for demands about wanting changes done to a web site they claim is their web site and that nothing should be changed without checking with them first for a web site that has been built more or less for FREE in the first place. And yet have the nerve to rant and rave about the person running a business without a business license for something they cannot afford but are expected it to be given to them or to the church for FREE.
We all say things before we think about them. You were willing to pay me for the services I was providing on your web site. Then when I said I would donate my time and effort of working on the web page to the church that gave you a way out of not paying me for your web page. Then when my computer crashed I needed to get it fixed and did not have the money to fix it, so the only way I could get it fixed and work on your web site was to get paid for the web site work I was doing. Yet, as you claimed the web site was not your first priority there were more important things that needed to come first and needed to be done. And like I mentioned to you the web site may not have been your first priority but to me it was mine. So I spent money I did not have or could not afford to spend because I wanted the web site up for others to see, not only for you but also for me so that all the time and effort I spent so others could see the work I did on your web site. And I was kept from doing that by waiting on an approval from you. And now I discover it was not that you did not have the time to make the changes but you did not have the funds to pay for my time and services.
You put me in a position I had no other recourse but to get your attention to the situation that you were avoiding or finding reasons to avoid it. And that was what was not fair to me when it comes to fairness and dishonesty for a person in your profession; along with numinous other situations that make me question not only what you and I have been dealing with but also others. Then you want to take down the entire site because it is yours and you can do what ever you want to with it not taking into consideration all the work I put into it without being compensated for my efforts. And you are right it is your site to do with it what ever you like and that I did something without your permission for something that I have not received or the amount you want to offer me is nothing compared to what you would have to pay someone else to do it. But yet your web site comes last as you claim, as you come last.
The same way I staying in a unit that does not belong to me but yet I am not staying here for FREE. I am paying or donating to the church what I am paying for the space in this mobile home that at any moment you could barge in and start making repairs to remodel it so it can be sold be-cause it belongs to you or the church, which is confusing and muddy. All the while I not only do not have any rights and I should be thankful that the church is proving me a place to live for something I pay for in the first place. And where I am living is only a temporary place and that it could be worked on to be sold at any given moment. Then you wonder why I was so insecure. That’s why Joe never unpacked his bags. Where in my case I was trying to take interest not only on the inside but the outside to try and make it a home to rest my head and call home once again and have company over, so I cleaned it up and made presentable.
Since the passing of my Mom I have not found a place to call home or to feel secure at knowing I was home. Yes, I have a condition that you are aware of and you have made it point to bring it up in conversations, not only with me but also with others. I have also observed things that have made me feel uncomfortable about my situation as well as others. Then you share information about a particular individual without naming names that thinks he has the right to take it upon his self to confront me about issues that have nothing to do with him. Other than he wants to protect you as if he is now your bodyguard. And the other shared information about the homeless friends of yours in Red Bluff as if that is suppose put a fear of God in me or something.
And as far as to what I have said there are others who have said many things about you that I do not know if it to be “fact” about “if you do not attend the church or do as Rick wants you to do then he comes down on you.” And like I told you, you give off the impression that if people do not attend your church then they are no longer in your favor and they need to be removed or sent on their way ASAP.
Just like you people stab me in the back too. They say one thing to my face and say something completely different behind my back.
And you know it has not been easy for me trying to take care of a dog and then do what others expect or want me to do. As you know I am going to try and find a place that I can call home and a yard for my dog. So I can go on with my life, as my Mom would want me to do. It has been 14 months and it is time I moved on. I will do what I can to help you with your church but I cannot afford to drive the distance now with the fact that now I have to use what resources I have to find another place to live where I can have my dog in a yard so I can go places without putting her in the van or locking her in a room any more.
“Sometimes it takes something that means something to people to get their attention.”
Blessings always,
James
“james it was both the time and the money because if i had the time i would of eventially gave you the money why do you continue to read more than what is so. it only makes for conflict and hurtful feelings. it doesnt help you nor does it make me feel good about us. please just belong to him and love your brother. Rick
Rick,
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