The end of one chapter and the beginning and moving on to the next...
So many things have happened since the day my Mom passed away. It is hard to recall all the turmoil and having my whole world turned up side and every way but loose. It was a closing of one chapter in my life but also the end of a chapter in my Mom’s life.
As I start to tell this story about chapters in my Mom’s life and mine I want to share what I have learn so that others do not end up making the mistakes I did. I am not perfect and I am the last person in the world to claim that I am. There are others in this life that think they are perfect and everything they do is perfect and it is everyone else who are the flawed ones.
When I was taking care of my Mom for the last days of her life when we lived in Alturas, California in a double-wide Mobile Home in a residential area in the city limits. I would spend a great deal of time on the internet and at a place called Roseanne World, yes Roseanne Barr. The same Roseanne Barr from the sit com in the late 80’s and early 90’s. I begin this chapter with a post I had made after the passing of my Mom as I was reaching out to the only people who cared if I lived or died.
The last time I posted on RW I was living in Bella Vista, California about 8 miles east of Redding, California. I was dealing with an unbearable situation where I was living in a one-room cottage with a refrigerator and microwave. Where the shower and toilet were located outside the little cottage in another small out building. The only good thing was I had a wireless Internet connection, which at the time was my only contact with the outside world. The world of depression I was living in at the time. Without the support of many of you here on RW and Roseanne Barr herself I do not think I would have made it through to the point I am at now.
I tried to hang myself. Where I found a rope in the covered shed outside the little cottage’s back door area I had cleaned up a few days earlier. I slung the rope over the bathroom shower beam at the foot of the tub located in the small out building. By beginning the process one does when trying to hang them selves. I put the noose over my head and around my neck but somehow I lost my balance and fell backward into the tub, bringing down everything around me on the shelves next to the tub. It was as if God was saying, “No, you are not going to do this today”. There was such a super natural force in the bathroom as I fell back-wards and grabbed onto anything I could to help break my fall. God did not want me to kill myself and God let me know that day by not allowing it to happen to me.
I realized immediately right after the failed suicide attempt that I should seek mental help, for my suicidal thoughts. I did just that; I left a note where I was going and to please take care of my dog Feisty until I got back.
I left immediately and drove my mini van to the Emergency Room at Mercy Medical Center in Redding, California and checked myself in. I was going for what is called a code “5151” without being arrested, where after several hours of sitting on a gurney in the emergency room waiting to be seen by a doctor. Where I was treated with respect and not looked down on for making an attempt to commit suicide. The emergency room doctor ordered me to be driven over to the mental health hospital for an evaluation over night, as that is how it was done in Redding, California after hours of waiting in the emergency room where they observed you and you were not allowed to leave after you were admitted.
I was able to leave at anytime after a 7 or 8 hour hold at the hospital where they drove me to the mental health facility. Where I was given several options:
1. I could commit myself for a 72-hour lock down with no way to get out.
2. Another option or choice was that I could stay for a 24-hour observation but could not leave either.
3. Final option or choice was where I could stay or go, as there was no hold. It was my choice to make if I felt I was not going to harm others or myself.
Since I was given the option to leave or stay. I made the choice to stay and sleep until seen by a staff psychologist.
When the next day arrived after sleeping and getting some rest with a clean set of cloths where they washed them for me. I was ready to get on with my life once again. I did not feel a need to stay around to be seen by anyone.
Recognizing the Warning Signs of Suicide
“If you or someone you love has clinical depression, it's important to recognize the warning signs of suicide. Suicide prevention is highly possible. And there are signs to look for that say someone may be contemplating a suicide attempt.
The best way to prevent suicide with clinical depression is to know the risk factors for suicide and to recognize the warning signs of suicide. Take these signs seriously. Know how to respond to them. It could save someone's life.
Are there risk factors for suicide?
Risk factors for thoughts of suicide can vary with age, gender, and ethnic group. And risk factors often occur in combinations.
Over 90% of people who die by suicide have clinical depression or another diagnosable mental disorder. Many times, people who die by suicide have a substance abuse problem. Often they have that problem in combination with other mental disorders.
Adverse or traumatic life events in combination with other risk factors, such as clinical depression, may lead to suicide. But suicide and suicidal behavior are never normal responses to stress.
Other risk factors for suicide include:
One or more prior suicide attempts
Family history of mental disorder or substance abuse
Family history of suicide
Family violence
Physical or sexual abuse
Keeping firearms in the home
Incarceration
Exposure to the suicidal behavior of others
Are there warning signs of suicide?
Warning signs that someone may be thinking about or planning to commit suicide include: Always talking or thinking about death. Clinical depression -- deep sadness, loss of interest, trouble sleeping and eating -- that gets worse. Having a "death wish," tempting fate by taking risks that could lead to death such as driving fast or running red lights. Losing interest in things one used to care about.
Making comments about being hopeless, helpless, or worthless. Putting affairs in order, tying up loose ends, changing a will. Saying things like "it would be better if I wasn't here" or "I want out". Sudden, unexpected switch from being very sad to being very calm or appearing to be happy. Talking about suicide or killing one's self. Visiting or calling people to say goodbye. Be especially concerned if a person is exhibiting any of these warning signs and has attempted suicide in the past.
According to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, between 20% and 50% of people who commit suicide have had a previous attempt.”
WebMD Medical Reference Recognizing the Warning Signs of Suicide from WebMD
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