"UP FROM HERE" Chapter 1: Roseanne Barr RW (Part Four)

Roseanne Posted: Sat Aug 16, 2008 11:47 am
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“the fact is that you are always just writing about yourself, esp. when you are writing about your view of someone else. It's not really about them at all, but about how you see them. I know the hollywood folks get mad at me for what i write about them, but it is really their media image i am writing about and how that comes across to me.”

rocks4me: Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2008 5:52 pm
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Roseanne,

You are 100% correct about how I have been writing and working on my book.

Roseanne wrote:

Quote: “It's not really about them at all, but about how you see them.”

I think I am going to rewrite it and see if I cannot write it, much differently. I am still going to write about the things, which did happen, but maybe, in a completely different light and direction.

What do you think?

James C. Garland-a very creative, talented and unknown poor person, but rich with ideas!

Is there a God or not, it is a question we all would like to get an answer to? When things are going good we do not think as much about God. When things are going bad, God is the first thing we think of.

Am I losing my faith in God? The God I thought I once believed in. The God I thought I once knew or knew me. The God I love and God who loves me. How do I or anyone else know for certain God exists, without first doubting God’s existence? I have spent my entire life putting God first in my life, first in my way of putting God first. We all have an idea of what God means to us. My God may not be the same God you think of as being God. Now you may ask, why do I say that? What do I mean, “My God may not be the same God you think of as being God?”

In my case and in my life I have experienced the blessings of God and at other times in my life I feel I am living in Hell. In Hell, where I am living a never ending story that seems will never end. Right now as I sit here writing these very words I keep thinking in the back of my mind all the things I am dealing with in this present moment in time. The present moment we all experience and go through. Hear and now, the moment in time where we are breathing and seeing, hearing, feeling, everything that is going on all around us, in front of us, behind us, to the side of us, above us or below us. Life.

Life as we all know, life, to be. The life of our past, which is behind us from where we came after being born. Our life in the present, the one all of us live day today. Then, life the one in front of us, our future, the one all of us dream about coming to pass. Wanting to get there as soon as possible. Good or Bad?

As life begins we strive to learn all that we can. Learning to recognize what we need to do in-order to communicate our needs. Learning from our past in-order to live in the present, so that we can end up in the future? Is that what life is, what God had planned, when God created us?

Once again, how do we really know there is a God? We are born, we live and we die...

I may forgive, but I will never forget...

Proverbs 10:9 (New International Version)

9 The man of integrity walks securely, but he who takes crooked paths will be found out.

Proverbs 13:20 (New International Version)

20 He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.

What’s wrong with me?

Why do I feel I live in a different world than everybody else does or is it just me?

Why do they feel they live in a different world than I do or is it just them?

What is wrong with them?

Can we both be wrong?

Can we both be right?

Which is it is what I would like to know?

Why do I even try, every time I do, things work against me?

Why is it everyone has an answer for people who are in depression? Myself included. As if getting out of depression is a simple thing. You need to do this or you need to do that. Or try this or try that. It worked for me, so I do not see why it will not work for you.

If I knew something that would work, don’t you think by now I would have done it? I know what makes me happy, but the only problem I am unable to do it because it is just a dream. It is enough to make me want to scream! But what good would that do?

Oh well, Life goes on as they say...

Actually what I wrote a few moments ago were just mere thoughts of reaching out into the vast emptiness of time and space with the hope that an answer would come knocking on my door to save me from this mad, mad world I find myself living in daily...

Tormented day and night and night and day as if there is no tomorrow, which deep down I know there is, just like I know I will get through all of this, eventually. But it is the time in-between until those sparks of creative juices begin to flow once again and I can lift my head above water and begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Yes, I love to write, but I do not write well enough for any one to want to read what I have written, at least that is what I feel sometimes. I also know there is nothing any one of you can do but be supportive and I thank you for your comments, suggestions, and ideas of how to beat this thing called, “depression”.

Believe me I am working on it the best I know how to do it and in time I will overcome it and be back to what most people call, “normal”.

I am bi-polar, and medication has never worked for me, if anything it made the mood swings worse. I love the manic high and the energy that comes with it, it is the low’s in depression that are most difficult to deal with and get through and most of the time people do not understand or even want to understand people who are bi-polar. They cannot deal with high energy levels and they cannot deal with the low energy levels that the condition produces either.

People say that manic/depressive people are blessed and we are also cursed all at the same time. They say we are crazy or think we are crazy but when in the manic state that is when we are the most creative and get lots of things done.

What is more important I think is discussing what helps and what does not in-order to help others like me or people who have experienced the ups and downs, highs and lows of being manic/depressive. There are many other mental health conditions besides manic/depressives, but it just happens that is what I am and it is what I understand the most about.

Those of us who are bi-polar, understand other people with similar or likewise conditions, it is the rest of the world that does not, and that is why they need to be educated on the subject like what is being discussed here now presently among us as you read what I have written.

I often see my life as something that I am trapped in. I know what I want but I don't know how to get it. Trapped by circumstance with no way out or an end in sight. My problems would be nothing to some people, but for me it is a high mountain I need to climb to get over the top and once again on with my life.

I have nothing to be ashamed of with my condition, in fact, when I am in the right state of mind I envision myself in front of multitude of people discussing the “ups and downs” of being Bi-Polar to help others like me and to help others who have family and friends who are just like me.

Yes, we are in good company, there are many famous people in the present and in the past that have contributed a great many things to this world because of the gift and blessing of this condition and they too had to deal with a down side of it as well, like me.

I am thankful that I have so many people here that understand or in some cases have dealt with some of the very same or similar conditions in their life as I have. I am very thankful that Roseanne Barr even took the time to respond and reply to me and I now know she understands a great deal of what I have been going through, who also has had some form or other of depression herself.

Mental health is a subject that needs to be discussed more in-order for people to become more aware of what is involved and how people with these conditions need family and friends to understand and be more supportive. Instead of running the other way or pretending they want nothing to do with it, because they do not want to take the time to get involved, because they do not understand how a person can be depressed. When it has never happened to them or effected their well being or way of life.

I have an idea what you are thinking but for me it is more like 90 miles an hour in our speech patterns as we try to keep up with the racing thoughts and at the same time try to explain to others what we are thinking, they get exhausted trying to keep up and their first thoughts are we must be on drugs.

Yes, Roseanne Barr needs to be given a big hug and not because she is famous but because she is human and has a great soul and for making me smile and laugh at her wit, knowledge and experience in the realm of Mental Health.

When it comes to work or having a job for manic/ depressives not any job will do, it has to be a job that is of interest and is exciting and rewarding all at the same time. Some people are in the mindset if a person has a job and is working all their problems will go away. As they say I guess a little work never hurt nobody, but that is not the case with manic/depressives being forced to work at something their heart is not into, just to be working or making a living to pay the bills is not the cure all either, in my opinion.

Some people say depression is just a state of mind. Does that mean it can be turned on or off like a light switch?

No one knows who I am, so what does it matter. None of my friends have been able to help me, because they have their own problems to deal with, less well adding mine to theirs. I am just another person who has had a problem among many other millions of people just like me dealing with depression or mental health issues that needs to be addressed and spoken about in this country and people like me do not get jobs very often if we admit we have a mental health problem or have to explain why we have not worked in x amount of years.

Well there it is “I am a very creative, talented and unknown poor person, but rich with ideas!”

I would not have been so personal with letting people know my real life story, except that I feel I need to be sharing it with others. How else will anyone ever know what others like me or in similar situations are going through or have been through or experiencing what I have, unless we share our experiences, circumstances or situations of what we are going through in the present time.

Mental health is not the only subject area that needs to be addressed, it is also homelessness. Most people do not know how close they are to being homeless themselves, all it takes is a few missed pay checks and they end up on the streets too.

Thanks for all the great suggestions and ideas, now if I can just put them to practical use in the near future.

The strangest thing happened this morning, as I was waking up. A thought had occurred to me from somewhere, not a voice, but a thought. That everything I have been going through up to this point has been a test, a test of my faith to see if I would give up on God or blame God for all that I have been going through.

How could I? The word of God says to have faith, trust in God and be patient and all things will work according to His will, His purpose for us, if we put Him first in all that we do. Maybe all the things that I have experienced were to teach me HIS ways, not mine.

My Mom was very faithful (not religious) and so have I all of my life. I have things I could share about what God has done for me. We all do, and I am not alone with the stories each of us can share about what God has done for each and everyone one of us, along this path we call life.

I have had what are called manic episodes that are religious in nature, just did not know that is what they were at the time. And being bi-polar we get both manic episodes and depression. Neither is easy to deal with on a personal level for family or our friends, but our true friends will always stick by us unconditionally because they are the only family we really have.

Just like right now I do not know what today will bring, none us do. But I do know that what ever happens today has to be HIS WILL, not mine.

I am so thankful that there are so many people on RW that do care and are concerned. I feel like I am going insane and if it were not for RW, I think I would be insane. “Fear is what keeps you prisoner. Hope is what sets you free.”

(I saw the saying above, so I thought I would share it.)

The only thing to do is take life one step at a time towards a better tomorrow with no miracles in sight at the moment, but with a result yet to come soon, at least I hope so for you and for me.

To be continued...

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